Thinking of her I see her as she's always been; calm, serene, beautifully confident and quiet. She flashes that Mona Lisa smile, leaving you to wonder. She is a woman who was born to be a mother. She is a teacher and student, a storyteller and listener.
I am sure she has faults, we all do don't we? But she far surpasses any attempt I've ever made at being a good human being. Now, she wages war with her own body. War from which I know she will return victorious. Stronger than ever. She will fight with a strength and calmness that ever eludes me.
Recently I found out that a friend, not one I am extremely close to (just because of circumstance and geography) but nevertheless one who will always hold a very, very special place in my heart, is facing some health issues. She's in her early 40's, like me, and has two beautiful young girls, unlike me. She and her husband have been together basically since college. A couple weeks ago I was shocked and saddened to hear the news that she had cancer.
I still remember the first time I met her, and I remember thinking that she was everything I aspired to be. Calm, rational, a skilled writer, a talented artist, accepting of everyone, patient and understanding. We had always been "friends of friends" you know how that is? How your friends that you are close to have other circles of friends. You see them all the time at group things, but don't really contact them except through the mutual friends. Anyway, this had been our relationship. One day, I just called her up and asked if she'd go to dinner and talk with me one night.
So we did and ended up laughing, enjoying, and really getting to know each other. She laughed when she told me that she thought I could be her long lost sister. We had so many of the same hang-ups, insecurities, loves, passions and interests. However, I left the table that night thinking how I could only aspire to be who she was. To me, she was so.... Kimberly. Zen. Serene. Loving. Accepting.
When I think of that damned cancer inside her, it makes me furious; hot, wet tears come rolling down my face. Damned. Cancer. Why do you pick on someone who brings so much love and light into the world? Why can't you go chew up and spit out someone who is dead inside, someone who is dark inside, someone who has nothing to give to anyone.
So I dedicate a song today (stealing my friend Lance's schtick). If it were Kimberly's she might pick something soothing and calm. But that's not me. I heard this on the radio last night and decided it was perfect. Campy. Angry. Angsty. And the guys look like we all looked when we met in the mid-90's.
Yes, I dedicate my song to Cancer. I hate you. I hate everything about you. I wish you would vanish forever and stop hurting the people we love. Please enjoy Ugly Kid Joe hating everything about Cancer. And blow up dolls.
We love you, Kimmy!