Today I am struggling with beating myself up (or not beating myself up) over not working my schedule this week. It has been a crazy busy week with a lot to be done on the homefront. My first real test and I threw my commitments out the window. I didn't walk at all this week, although the weather and my sleep patterns haven't been cooperative. I didn't write every day, rather I spent time on housework. Granted, the house work needed to be done, but still, I feel like I should have been able to get both done. I have not eaten well at all. And, most importantly, by even thinking these things I am breaking the commitment to not beat myself up mentally when I feel disappointed in myself.
I am working on being as understanding with myself as I am with others. I am pretty forgiving as a friend, barring some extreme circumstances, and I feel that I owe myself at a minimum the slack I would give someone else, right? But it is so hard not to hear that voice saying "what the hell have you been doing all day? You call that writing? Why isn't your bathroom clean? You ate half a bag of sour cream and onion potato chips? How could you not walk, what could be easier? Did you find a job yet?" Patience, Marsha, patience.
I need to figure out what the balance is in self discipline and living in the moment. Where the line is between forcing myself to keep a schedule and trying to adapt as life changes. Any suggestions?
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