TGiving. And other stuff.

Thanksgiving? Well, it's done and over. It's not what it used to be, crowded out of the holiday lexicon by that bitch Christmas. Black friday, midnight shopping, standing in line at Best Buy or Wal Mart rather than being home with kids, family, grandma, etc.

Hyper extended families have made for scheduling nightmares; I know so many families that celebrate days even a week after the actual holiday in order to have absolutely everyone there. Once upon a time we had 4 meals to eat, ending with a traditional meal with friends, booze and wine that started somewhere around 8 pm and concluded when everyone passed out or stumbled home. That was the best way I could ever think of to wind up Thanksgiving.

When we left Nashville and moved to Pa. we tried to come home for holidays, but the trips were just too long and we eventually began making our new traditions. Turkey breast for two, dinner with friends, and eventually just mentally giving up on the big, giant Thanksgiving idea all together in favor of a much more introspective take on the holiday.

Lots of people have spent time this November posting things for which they are thankful in honor of Thanksgiving. While I totally appreciate this attempt to maintain the spirit of the holiday, I have not been participating. That's because, well, I think every day about what I'm grateful for and write it down even.

I've kept a gratitude journal for about 8 years now. It's nothing fancy. It's not even all in the same place. But (almost) every day, I make a conscious effort to think of 5 things I'm grateful for and put them down in black and white. It's much easier said than done.

After a while, you feel like you're out of things to say. Husband, wife, kids, church, house, car, job. These are things that are easy to be grateful for. They are what you think of first. However, when you do this on a sustained basis, daily or at least several days a week, you really have to look deeper than that. It is difficult.

Mine has really evolved over the years - becoming almost a diary of feelings. The things I am thankful for have evolved from things and people to experiences and emotions. Curiosity. The ability to communicate well(most of the time); being able to pay bills (even when just barely). Sometimes I'm thankful for things I've not yet been able to achieve. Patience. Calm. Acceptance of faults. Other times I'm thankful for opportunities I'm given. To talk to high school kids about how many options they have out there. To meet leaders in the community who spend their lives working to make a difference for others. To write a story about someone who wouldn't otherwise be recognized for doing something amazing.

I would encourage everyone to try this year round, not just in November. It helps you recognize what the feeling of gratitude is within yourself. It helps you focus on finding more of that feeling, and focus on the positive things in life rather than negative all the time. The giving of thanks can be done anytime, anywhere. We don't need permission, laws, holidays or even a notebook or computer to acknowledge the amazing things that we have in our lives.

That being said, Thanksgiving, well, it used to be a holiday with big family dinners. Extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins. Lots of yelling, screaming, laughing, joking. I do miss that, I miss seeing my cousins and aunt and uncles. But now my cousins have kids and grandkids and big family dinners of their own to enjoy. Which is great for them. I personally am thankful I don't have kids and grandkids. I love my little family of friends, that's all I need.

But Thanksgiving, I'm sorry. I didn't even eat turkey or pumpkin pie this year. I've failed you. Maybe I'll drag it out to include Sunday and we'll just pretend you didn't get trampled by Christmas again.

Today I am thankful for:

New friends I've met recently while doing community theater. They have given me a new energy and helped me realize how talent (and friendship) is found in the most unexpected places.

My job. I've been struggling a bit lately, mentally, but after being (unwillingly) unemployed for almost 3 years, I've now been at my job for just about a year. While it isn't perfect, I don't complain. Where we are financially now compared to a year ago, well, it's amazing and I am beyond grateful to be employed at all, much less in a job where I write and take pictures for a living.

My creative spirit. Sometimes it is a bit hard to control or reign in. Usually it is impossible to understand. Always it is annoying to someone else. But it's me. And I'm grateful to have finally found it after 30-some years of pushing it away.

A child-free (by choice) lifestyle. Kids just are not for me and I know in my heart we made the right choices when deliberately deciding not to procreate.

and while we're at it-A country that allows me to have that freedom. To choose a method to prevent unwanted pregnancy. Because I'm a grown woman and I should be able to make that decision for myself.

Yes, overall, I have a lot of gratitude for a lot of things. This is just one day. But everyday I say one thing to myself as I am falling asleep at night. "I LOVE MY LIFE" And it's true, I do. It's not perfect, it's downright messy. I have issues- medical, mental, emotional-who doesn't.

But I also have the opportunity to change, improve and challenge all of it. And that my friends is what life is all about. Not things staying the same, but rather things changing. Because when you struggle to find things to be thankful for, I promise you, with change comes opportunity for gratitude.

The Giving of Thanks

So today, in my country, it is the designated day for giving thanks. A day to be spent with family and turkey and dressing and pies. The third Thursday of November.

Many of my friends have been engaging in "Thirty Days of Thanksgiving" on Facebook, each day posting something for which they are thankful. It has been incredibly interesting to read each day the items posted by everyone. I think it is important for everyone to realize that there are so many things to be grateful for in all of our lives, even when things aren't going 100% to our liking.

I haven't been participating in it because I already list for myself things I am grateful for each and every day in my gratitude journal. Four years ago I picked up the book, Simple Abundance. I came to this book more than 10 years after its publication date. I can honestly say that when the book first came out, although it was wildly popular, I wasn't in a place in my life to read it.

But when I found it second hand and picked it up, I had been through so much in the in between years, I thought I was finally ready to read it. I wasn't. It took me two more years to make the commitment to read it and really think about it and take action. One of the things you are asked to do in the book is to keep a gratitude jounal, and make an entry of 5 things you are grateful for each and every day. That's right, I said every day.

At first it was hard, and I couldn't come up with new stuff. In the beginning it was big, broad stuff like "family" "husband" "the trees" "the good weather" I mean seriously, 5 things every day? After a while, several months, I learned to go through my day looking for things to be thankful for that evening when I wrote in my journal. I began looking for and recognizing small moments, small things that really changed my day or the way I viewed myself. Eventually I began to expect these moments. And I wasn't disappointed.

During the time she was writing the book, Sarah Ban Breathnach speaks of hard times going on in our country, how the markets aren't doing well and how to deal with being OK with what you have. The first time I was reading through the book (I began it in Jan. 2010, 15 years after it was published) I couldn't remember things being bad in the country, or the country going through such a crisis in the early 1990's. I also thought how interesting it was that such things were still relevant to us today in this economy.

So the point of all this chatter is this. It finally dawned on me, 3/4 through my 2nd reading of this book. For the past 2 years, husband and I have been going through the worst financial time in our 18 years together. Or maybe it just seems that way. He's been laid off, I can't find a job, we moved, our home lost value and we lost our equity, we are in more debt than we've ever been. I spend so much time being sorry for myself over the way life used to be, and how we could afford anything we wanted and how those days are over.

But the realization I had in the shower this morning? Is that this is the FIRST time in 18 years together that we've been through something like this. Yes, it sucks, and yes, it feels like it will never end. But there have been some pretty big financial crises and hard times in our country over the past 20 years. And this is the FIRST time we've really felt it.

So that is what I am thankful for today. That and pecan pie. And pumpkin pie.

Happy Thanksgiving, Ya'll!

Giving of Unconventional Thanks

This has been a wonderful and spectacular year for me, for a lot of reasons. I have achieved a small form of enlightenment on many subjects that I have been working on for years. I feel that personal power that has been eluding my grasp for so long. It is happening. Things are happening. And I am so grateful for all of them. I have worked hard to get where I am now, spiritually, mentally, physically–nothing was given to me.

One of the most influential people I have met this year I met online. Judy over at ZebraSounds always has phenomenally written posts, the likes of which I can only dream of creating at this point. She had a wonderful post this week that inspired me to "borrow" her idea and create a list of my own.

She challenged everyone over there to create a list of "other" things for which you're grateful. You know, everyone names the big stuff, family, friends, health, job. Dig down and think of little, crazy things that make you happy, or smile, or just make getting through life easier. So I challenge all of you, as well. Thanks j for letting me borrow your idea.

Here is my Unconventional Thanks list:

1. Mike & Ikes I. LOVE. THEM. soooo much. (But had to give them up for weight loss.)
2. Weight loss-80 pounds this summer, thankful for my 12 weeks of iron willpower.
3. My girlfriends, who fill in all my empty spaces.
4. All the people I have met this year, both in person and online, who have both knowingly and unknowingly helped me completely change my life, my outlook, and my attitudes about myself. (this includes you, ms .j)
5. Being able to pay our bills. Even when it is “just barely”. Which is every month these days.
6. Leaving eff-ing Pennsylvania after 4 years and moving back to the south.
7. The ampersand & all of its uses. &&&&&&&&& In the right font, it’s a thing of beauty.
8. My sweet kitty who loves nothing more than sitting in my lap and sleeping all day.
9. Literacy. Books to read. The skill to write and express my feelings. Ability to talk to people coherently about what is going on in the world. Not everyone has it.
10. The President. I have a little crush on him. And he’s so much better than, well, you know. (OK, it’s a lot of a crush.)
11. Knowing that the right way to spell y'all is y'all and spelling it wrong anyway, ya'll, just cause I always do.
12. Knowing and believing that sweet potatoes are the orange ones and yams are the white ones. And they are both different varieties of yams. Dammit.


So, come on, ya'll. List your Unconventional Thanks. It is fun, surprising, and interesting what everyone comes up with. Oh, and have a wonderful Thanksgiving! Honestly.