TGiving. And other stuff.

Thanksgiving? Well, it's done and over. It's not what it used to be, crowded out of the holiday lexicon by that bitch Christmas. Black friday, midnight shopping, standing in line at Best Buy or Wal Mart rather than being home with kids, family, grandma, etc.

Hyper extended families have made for scheduling nightmares; I know so many families that celebrate days even a week after the actual holiday in order to have absolutely everyone there. Once upon a time we had 4 meals to eat, ending with a traditional meal with friends, booze and wine that started somewhere around 8 pm and concluded when everyone passed out or stumbled home. That was the best way I could ever think of to wind up Thanksgiving.

When we left Nashville and moved to Pa. we tried to come home for holidays, but the trips were just too long and we eventually began making our new traditions. Turkey breast for two, dinner with friends, and eventually just mentally giving up on the big, giant Thanksgiving idea all together in favor of a much more introspective take on the holiday.

Lots of people have spent time this November posting things for which they are thankful in honor of Thanksgiving. While I totally appreciate this attempt to maintain the spirit of the holiday, I have not been participating. That's because, well, I think every day about what I'm grateful for and write it down even.

I've kept a gratitude journal for about 8 years now. It's nothing fancy. It's not even all in the same place. But (almost) every day, I make a conscious effort to think of 5 things I'm grateful for and put them down in black and white. It's much easier said than done.

After a while, you feel like you're out of things to say. Husband, wife, kids, church, house, car, job. These are things that are easy to be grateful for. They are what you think of first. However, when you do this on a sustained basis, daily or at least several days a week, you really have to look deeper than that. It is difficult.

Mine has really evolved over the years - becoming almost a diary of feelings. The things I am thankful for have evolved from things and people to experiences and emotions. Curiosity. The ability to communicate well(most of the time); being able to pay bills (even when just barely). Sometimes I'm thankful for things I've not yet been able to achieve. Patience. Calm. Acceptance of faults. Other times I'm thankful for opportunities I'm given. To talk to high school kids about how many options they have out there. To meet leaders in the community who spend their lives working to make a difference for others. To write a story about someone who wouldn't otherwise be recognized for doing something amazing.

I would encourage everyone to try this year round, not just in November. It helps you recognize what the feeling of gratitude is within yourself. It helps you focus on finding more of that feeling, and focus on the positive things in life rather than negative all the time. The giving of thanks can be done anytime, anywhere. We don't need permission, laws, holidays or even a notebook or computer to acknowledge the amazing things that we have in our lives.

That being said, Thanksgiving, well, it used to be a holiday with big family dinners. Extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins. Lots of yelling, screaming, laughing, joking. I do miss that, I miss seeing my cousins and aunt and uncles. But now my cousins have kids and grandkids and big family dinners of their own to enjoy. Which is great for them. I personally am thankful I don't have kids and grandkids. I love my little family of friends, that's all I need.

But Thanksgiving, I'm sorry. I didn't even eat turkey or pumpkin pie this year. I've failed you. Maybe I'll drag it out to include Sunday and we'll just pretend you didn't get trampled by Christmas again.

Today I am thankful for:

New friends I've met recently while doing community theater. They have given me a new energy and helped me realize how talent (and friendship) is found in the most unexpected places.

My job. I've been struggling a bit lately, mentally, but after being (unwillingly) unemployed for almost 3 years, I've now been at my job for just about a year. While it isn't perfect, I don't complain. Where we are financially now compared to a year ago, well, it's amazing and I am beyond grateful to be employed at all, much less in a job where I write and take pictures for a living.

My creative spirit. Sometimes it is a bit hard to control or reign in. Usually it is impossible to understand. Always it is annoying to someone else. But it's me. And I'm grateful to have finally found it after 30-some years of pushing it away.

A child-free (by choice) lifestyle. Kids just are not for me and I know in my heart we made the right choices when deliberately deciding not to procreate.

and while we're at it-A country that allows me to have that freedom. To choose a method to prevent unwanted pregnancy. Because I'm a grown woman and I should be able to make that decision for myself.

Yes, overall, I have a lot of gratitude for a lot of things. This is just one day. But everyday I say one thing to myself as I am falling asleep at night. "I LOVE MY LIFE" And it's true, I do. It's not perfect, it's downright messy. I have issues- medical, mental, emotional-who doesn't.

But I also have the opportunity to change, improve and challenge all of it. And that my friends is what life is all about. Not things staying the same, but rather things changing. Because when you struggle to find things to be thankful for, I promise you, with change comes opportunity for gratitude.

Enough about me...

Today's post is my entry into this week's 100 Word Challenge, hosted by Velvet Verbosity. The 100 Word Challenge is an exercise in which we write exactly 100 words in response to the weekly prompt word.

Click the link to read the other entries-good stuff over there! This week's prompt word is: tremble.

Each week I talk, I write, I photograph. I capture moments in time that will be forgotten as soon as the papers, tossed in a corner and bound for recycling.

Capturing that one moment of small town life, it's amazing. For me, getting to tell someone's story is an honor.

A cancer survivor, wounded veterans cycling across the state, an artist with disabilities showing his work in a local exhibit. This was my week.

I am always humbled by the task of putting what I feel into words. I tremble in anticipation of the Wednesday delivery. It's my judgment day.

Release

Today's post is my entry into this week's 100 Word Challenge, hosted by Velvet Verbosity. The 100 Word Challenge is an exercise in which we write exactly 100 words in response to the weekly prompt word. Click the link to read the other entries–good stuff over there!

This week's prompt was inspired by last week's advice from Kurt Vonnegut and continues the thought of finding your voice.

“Every character should want something. Even if it is just a glass of water."
 

This week's post takes the same scene as before and shows it from another character's perspective. I hope I've captured that in this post.

Pacing, he wondered how long it would last. She was terrified of being restrained in any way. He couldn't stop thinking of the torture he knew she felt.

But she had to learn.

He stood watch outside the door all night, heard her struggle as she drifted in and out of awareness. If only she would relax and calm down. Sunlight flooded the kitchen. He checked his watch.

It was finally quiet, wind chimes playing in the breeze. His hand was hovering over the doorknob when he heard her whimper. He walked away, shaking his head.

She had to learn.

Sixty Years

Every week as part of my job I edit the Society section of our newspaper. Now, in a town as small as ours, I tend to think of it more as “society.” But anyway... Each week I see announcements come through for someone's wedding, anniversary, class reunion, new baby, etc. Oh, and obituaries, too.

This week I found myself writing an announcement for my parent's 60^th anniversary. Now, knowing them, it was difficult to write. I am used to people bringing in something already well written, or a form that holds the pertinent information from which I can cobble an announcement.

As I was writing it I realized that I know precious little about my parents and how they got married. I mean, I knew they sort of eloped and didn't have the big fanfare wedding that so many of us do. (guilty!) I thought they got married in Missouri. Or something like that.

Now, most announcements go something like this (names and events are totally fictional):

John and Mary Smith will celebrate their 50^th wedding anniversary on Saturday with a reception at Whatever Church at 2 p.m. John Smith and the former Mary Brown were married Oct. 1, 1962 at the Holy Church of Getting Married in Franklin, Ky. in a service performed by Rev. Snodberry.

The Smiths have four children, daughters Angie (Bubba) Jones and Helen (Frank) Rosenstein; two sons John (Mervis) Smith, Jr. and Bill (Arizona) Smith; The couple has 10 grandchildren, Anna, Bubba Jr. (BJ), KiKi, BeBe, JJ, John III (Trip), Penelope, Dexter, Roseanne and Willie. They also have 3 great-grandchildren. All reside in Franklin.

After the reception the couple has planned a skydiving trip. All friends and family are invited to attend.

No joke, I actually got a 50th where they were planning to skydive. Anway, when I read these and don't know the people, I imagine a great big loving family. I always think, now if families could just be like that, you know? Who knows what the truth is.

So, I write out my parents' announcement and it goes something like this:

Jack and Geneva Peyton recently celebrated their 60^th wedding anniversary with a small family dinner at their favorite restaurant. The couple was married Oct. 6, 1952 in Ringwood, a small town in northern Illinois.

The couple has two children, Marsha Herndon and Steve Peyton, and one son-in-law Mitch Herndon.

Hm. Yeah. So to recap. I have no kids. My brother never married AND he has no kids. And I didn't plan a party for them because we did the 50^th and they insisted they didn't want one.

WHO is a bigger failure at being a daughter than me?

It seems precious little to put out there to show for 60 years of marriage. I realized that we do measure a family by not just the people, but also progeny, activites, involvement, etc. It just doesn't tell the whole story, now does it.

I realized that perhaps if we wrote the truth in these, they'd tell more of the story. Be much more interesting. I found myself rewriting mom and dad's in my head to be something like this:

Jack and Geneva Peyton recently celebrated 60 years of marriage. Sadly, there was no party to celebrate because their daughter was “too busy” to plan something and said she “just had one ten years ago” and wasn't that enough.

The couple was married on a cool October Saturday after working all week and looking for a place without a 3 day waiting period. Their third attempt was successful and they obtained blood tests and a marriage license in Ringwood, Il and were married on the spot by a minister who was out working in his yard.

Although they wanted more, the couple have only two children. Daughter Marsha and son Steven. Much to their regret they have no grandchildren. Their daughter “doesn't want them.” They are also greatly disappointed by her leaving the church and feel she will burn in hell. Son Steven repented and returned to the church after a long absence. So he should be ok. He's found god, now if only he could find a good woman.

This of course is my own self-destructive thought process and should in no way be interpreted as theirs. Maybe it's my interpretation of how they feel. Possibly based on former events and conversations. Not that they'd come on out and say it. Anyway....

I do really love my parents and wish that I could be more of what they want out of a daughter. I'm really not a bad person, they just had other ideas for me. I'm simply not capable of it. And anyway, their raising me made me who I am so I owe them many, many thanks.

At the very least, they deserve all the riches in the world for making a marriage work through 60-damn-years! 

A glass of water

Today's post is my entry into this week's 100 Word Challenge, hosted by Velvet Verbosity. The 100 Word Challenge is an exercise in which we write exactly 100 words in response to the weekly prompt word. Click the link to read the other entries–good stuff over there!

I've been on a long hiatus from the challenge, and blogging too I guess. However this week blog-friend Lance inspired me to step up. 

This week's prompt was inspired from advice from Kurt Vonnegut and inspires us to find our voice. 

“Every character should want something. Even if it is just a glass of water."

She lay on her back as the ceiling swirled above her. Her throat dry as a Texas summer, tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. Shutting her eyes she tried not to think of the sweet, cool relief only 20 steps away.

Day was breaking, casting thin slices of light around the room. She heard trees rustling as the breeze blew through them. She willed her limbs to move but they refused; there was no slack in the rope.

Swallowing hard, she wished he would return but knew he would not. He was fond of teaching her these lessons.

They are anti-gay and that's not OK

To all those people who spent hours of their life waiting at Chick-fil-a today. Great. Good for you. You waited an hour or two for a tasty sandwich that you can get tomorrow or Friday or Saturday (but not Sunday). What did you prove, exactly? I'm just curious what people's thoughts are on this because me? My time is precious. Far too precious to spend on a cause that does nothing for me, but continues to line the pockets of a millionaire.

No one here is challenging Christians. No one is trying to lock the doors of your churches. No one is trying to drag you out on Sunday to do anything. Anything. Other than play golf and watch football, apparently. Maybe mow the yard.

If you don't read any further than this, please know. No one is asking you to give up your faith.

Do you want to know about persecution? Ask the family of the teen who was made fun of and bullied until he took his own life. Ask the partner of 25 years who has no rights when her loved one dies. Ask the women whose career is wasted in a company that will never pay her the same as a man. Ask the kids who have to live with the mental and physical scars of having been sexually abused. Ask any citizen of the Muslim faith or who doesn't look like white America.

Ask the woman who excelled at her job-was given high, high reviews-and was not only denied a promotion, but advised to “resign” from the company to “focus on her family”. Wonder how she now feels about Chick-fil-a? I'm willing to bet she was oh, so thankful to CFA for that little bit of Christian charity. Bet they miss that 2^nd income.

Ask the group whose company function CFA refused to cater. Ask the potential franchise owners who were quizzed about their Christianity. Heck, ask Dan Cathy, who in an interview in early 2011 said it himself:

“Let me be clear, Chick-Fil-A serves all people and values all people,” Cathy said. “Providing food to these events, or any event, is not an endorsement of the mission, political stance or motives of this or any other organization. Any suggestion otherwise is just inaccurate,” he added. This was in an article in which, interestingly, Cathy said the company was "dropping its support for anti-gay marriage groups."

Three weeks later he said:

“Chick-Fil-A's Corporate Purpose is 'To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us, and to have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-Fil-A.' As a result, we will not champion any political agendas on marriage and family. This decision has been made, and we understand the importance of it.”

Or in November 2011 when he said:

“While my family and I believe in the Biblical definition of marriage, we love and respect anyone who disagrees.”

To this most recent, emboldened statement saying he supports the “biblical definition of a family” and believes Americans have a “prideful, arrogant attitude” about gay marriage that risks “inviting God’s judgment on our nation.”

Hm. Wait, which Mr. Cathy are we listening to here?

So, gay marriage-two men committing to one another for life-is going to bring judgment. But child molesters who are allowed to get away with it for years won't? Especially when they work at the church. Or are football coaches who cover up for child molesters. Or a mother who kills her children in the name of god. Or bombs an abortion clinic killing all inside. No juding there I guess.

Listen, folks. I stopped eating Chick fil a a long time ago. At some point in 2008 after learning of several very credible instances where the company had refused service to gay groups. Now, everyone who doesn't know the full story is making this about something it's not. People are not boycotting Chick fil a because they don't believe in gay marriage. They are boycotting because Chick fil a is anti-gay. Because they donate to christian organizations that sell a “cure” for being gay. They donate to groups who actively lobby against laws that would equalize the gay community. Because they actively work to undermine people who have made life choices based on who they are and who they love.

So, you stood in line and ate your delicious chicken sandwich. Sooooo so delicious. Not much of a sacrifice for your anti-homosexual beliefs, eh? All I can think is that there was probably someone in a nursing home who might have welcomed a visit. Someone in the hospital who might have been read to. Someone who needed a home cooked meal. There are just so many other ways to spend two hours, says the woman who isn't even a Christian. If you don't like gay marriage? Don't marry another dude. Or woman, as the case may be. It does nothing to destroy your marriage. Unless of course you're gay and denying yourself the truth that is you.

Chick fil a isn't anti gay marriage. They are anti-gay. And that's not OK.

And to the person who unfriended me on Facebook simply because I expressed my opinion, I didn't know you were still my friend until you wrote that you were unfriending me over a statement about chicken and christians. I stand by what I said, and I won't miss you at all. I already turned off your hateful, right wing comments over a year ago.

My week on the Bizarro Bus-First Stop

I am curling up here, fetal position, in my own little corner of the internet this afternoon. It's been a rough week. Sometimes things people do and say frustrate me to no end. Other times it's just too scary. Most days I am overwhelmed by sensations out in the real world. Passions, beliefs, feelings and the things they cause people to do.

I've had a lot of things kicking around in my brain this week, which usually causes me to slip into a mode of not giving a shit what anyone thinks and craving an outlet for those thoughts. It's actually why I began writing this blog in the first place. Why I am not on here much anymore is anyone's guess but I'd say it's as much a lack of structure and discipline on my part as it is just having a busy life.

My week started out with frustration about a story that has been dragging on for years in my former town of Murfreesboro TN. At some point, post 9-11, local Muslims sought approval for a piece of land to become a Islamic Center. Sadly, this sparked some outrage in the community and horrible things were said and done during the "debate" over the issue. When all was said and done, the opposition when accused of being opposed solely because it was an Islamic center, ended up saying it was due to the "size" and "traffic concerns". Which didn't stop the community's mega-churches and/or ginormous WalMart, but I digress.

Since I don't live there anymore, I'll be honest, I had lost track of where everything stood until this week when, again, this week Murfreesboro made the news for embodying everything that is wrong with America. While admittedly I don't know all the specifics, apparently now that the Islamic Center is complete and they have spent the money on construction, furnishings and the like in that community– there are still people trying to block them by holding up their occupancy permit. A legal ruling made by a Tennessee judge (who had nullified the county's approval of the building) was overturned by a Federal Judge, by the way.

If you're interested in hearing what the Murfreesboro Muslim community has been through in getting approval on their 12,000 square foot community center, this page of The Tennessean will tell you much more accurately and succinctly than I ever could.

But what I'd like people to think about is this:

According to The Tennessean, the opponents to the Islamic Center "have claimed in court that Islam isn’t a true religion and that local Muslims want to overthrow the U.S. Constitution and replace it with Islamic religious law."

How unbelievable to me. How arrogant. And how hypocritical. What good is it to live in a country that is admittedly a proponent of "freedom of religion"....FREEDOM OF RELIGION.... the freedom to practice (or not) your religion as you see fit?

It is just soul crushing to me to see right there in black and white the way in which many residents of this country see freedom of religion as "freedom to practice your religion– as long as it agrees with mine" or "freedom to voice any and all opinions on religion–as long as it isn't ANTI religion, and your opinions agree with mine" or "freedom of religion only when we understand and approve it".

Can't we just be the least little bit accepting and open? Even to things we don't understand? Aren't we past that? Do we seriously think if there were a terrorist cell in Murfreesboro, TN that they would spend money on a brand new 12,000 square foot Islamic Center in the middle of a God fearing community? C'mon folks.

More about stop #2 on my Bizarro Bus this week later. I have to go be domestic for a while.

***blogger note: I have about a bazillion friends in Murfreesboro all of whom are the cream of the crop when it comes to loving, helping and accepting others no matter what. I truly mean it. I just think sometimes the idiots were blessed with a louder voice, and for that I am sorry. I LOVE my friends in the 'Boro and they are not included in this rant at all.