If you can't say something nice, at least make it funny!

Thanks for visiting Tinfoil Magnolia, a blog about my life, times, marriage, friendships and all the strange things that happen to me and with me. I hope you find something here that will encourage you, inspire you or at the least entertain you. And if it doesn't today, check back tomorrow because, my life? honestly...

Sunday, February 20


Today's post is my entry into this week's 100 Word Challengehosted by Velvet Verbosity. The 100 Word Challenge is an exercise in which we write exactly 100 words in response to the weekly prompt word. Click the link to read the other entries–good stuff over there! 

This week's prompt was "obsession". 
NOTE: This is an excerpt from a  piece I have been working with for a while, I refined it to fit 100 words and still keep the general feeling.To those reading this who know me, no I am not a stalker. (Not that I haven't cruised an ex-boyfriend's house back in the day.) I was inspired by a story I saw of an obsessed mistress who followed her lover's every move. I couldn't help but think "who has time for that kind of thing?" I mean seriously, that is some kind of commitment. I can't even get to the gym every day.

I Think I will Stalk You
Drive by your house
just to see if you're there
Walk down your street
to exactly where

you work every day
your window, the blinds.
I know where you eat,
you're so easy to find,

Wait at the post office
you frequent each day.
Maybe the library
just down the way

From where you live
with your cute little wife.
Happy as can be,
she's living my life.

Yes, I'll walk down your street,
lurk at the corner,
drive by your house,
befriend your wife.

So I think I will stalk you.
And then I realize,

I have lunch plans.

Tuesday, February 15

Heartbreak and Heartmending

Today, I was prompted through FaceBook to read a post by Emily Giffin at one of my favorite sites, Chick Lit is Not Dead. Emily is author to some of the most enjoyable books I have read over the last few years. Her books are a lot of fun and once you pick them up, really get you involved with the characters and stories, and her characters' thoughts, feelings and actions are so right on that I sometimes wonder if she's been following me around or in my email box or something. But, I guess she's probably too busy for that.

Anyway, in this post she lists  5 Do's and a Do Over. You can click the link to go over there and read it in its entirety, but her basics are this.

1.  Invest in a quality camera and capture lots of random moments. 
2.  Live alone at least once. 
3.  Travel somewhere exotic and unexpected. 
4.  Break a heart and have yours broken. 
5.  Cut bait on toxic friendships. 
I find myself wholeheartedly agreeing with this list, especially #2 which I have preached for many, many years. And #5 which I only had to do for the first time pretty recently. However I have to admit, when I hit number 4? My brain came screeching to a halt. 
I fully admit, like most women my age, I have had my heart broken in the past. There have been a lot of little heartbreaks along the way, such as that of an unrequited crush or a breakup with someone I thought I loved. But only 1 time have I experienced what I consider to be full-blown heartbreak. Starting with the real, true, 100% "I love this guy more than myself and I would give up everything and everyone in my world to keep him in my life and have him all to myself forever, " all the way through to the point where he decided we didn't want the same things or he couldn't be there for me or I was just wanting more than he could give or whatever ridiculous excuse it happened to be.  Then, he reached in, pulled out my heart, tossed it around like a ping pong ball for a few months then stomped it into a million tiny pieces, walking away with a sizable piece of it stuck to the sole of his Chuck Taylors.

So, depending on which part of the lengthy denouement you're talking about, I was 21 or 22 when this all happened. Now, at 43(God that 43 looks so ugly when you type it up like that), happily married to a wonderful guy for almost 17 years, I know that this boy was not the one for me. But at the time, let's face it, it was devastating. I had given him everything I had to give and thought he reciprocated. We both had artist temperaments and were really too much alike. As a result, the relationship was equally passionate and ugly. There was no way we could have lasted long at all. But he broke me. He broke my heart, and he broke me.

For a long time I couldn't even think about dating. Or maybe dating was all I thought about. Only not just one guy. I refused to be in any semblance of a relationship. That heartbreak? It took away my innocence, trust and belief in being able to love and have it returned in like fashion. I became cynical, anti-marriage, and was just out for a good time. This went on for years. I drank (a lot), I did drugs (not a lot but some), I went out to clubs, I met guys. Met them, left them. Yes, I was a party girl back then.

Then, after about four years of this lifestyle a strange thing happened. I (quite randomly) reconnected with someone whom  I had known all along. Since we were, like, 12. I was regularly going out with 2 other guys at the time, and the more I saw of this guy the less I wanted to see them. Finally, it was his game to lose. I still didn't want marriage. I still didn't want commitment. But I wanted him. I was falling in love with him. And he loved me.

No matter how many times I tried to push him away he wouldn't let me. No matter how many excuses I came up with for why we shouldn't be together he wouldn't take them. Though he may not have realized it at the time, he lovingly and patiently put me back together. Piece by piece. As much as you ever can, he helped mend the spot where that chunk was still missing. He taught me that there are people in this world who you can trust with your life. People who will always be honest and caring, even if they don't always do it the right way (according to me). Even if they fail sometimes, their heart is in the right place.

So here I sit, almost 18 years later. Confined by love in a marriage I never thought I would have. Hopefully my days of heartbreak are over. Twenty-some years later that boy found me on FaceBook (isn't it great) and we exchanged a few brief messages. He floored me by expressing the thought that we ended on good terms. And made me wonder: Have I ever broken anyone else's heart? If I did, I certainly didn't know about it at the time. Could I have left someone along the way in such a manner as to cause them the pain that I myself had felt? Gosh, I sure hope not.

What about you? Have you ever knowingly or unknowingly broken someone's heart? And does doing what is best for you without thinking of the other person's feelings constitute intentional heartbreak? I wonder.

NOTE:  Lest every think I believe that love is all sunshine and roses, I don't. Read this post as well. It is tough and it is hard work, in my opinion. Lots and lots of hard work.  What I know.

Friday, February 11

Girls Do It Too

Today's post is my entry into this week's 100 Word Challengehosted by Velvet Verbosity. The 100 Word Challenge is an exercise in which we write exactly 100 words in response to the weekly prompt word. Click the link to read the other entries–good stuff over there! 
This week's prompt was "engages"

“He makes me feel so alive!” Andrea said, struggling to accurately express her feelings.  “He just completely engages me with his words, his voice, his body.” 

She knew she was wasting her time and energy in the obsessive pursuit of this man, but couldn't stand admitting it to her friends. Finally she just  shrugged, “I'm just amazed at the breadth of his knowledge and the stamina of his intellect,” she said, hoping to achieve a sophisticated tone.

“Yeah, his intellect. ” said Janie, rolling her eyes and making air quotes to titters of laughter.


Sarah giggled, “... breadth of his knowledge...”.

Friday, February 4

The End

Today's post is my entry into this week's 100 Word Challengehosted by Velvet Verbosity. The 100 Word Challenge is an exercise in which we write exactly 100 words in response to the weekly prompt word. Click the link to read the other entries–good stuff over there! 

This week's prompt was "honor" and the post is based on an actual conversation. Names changed to protect the guilty.

“Can't you see there's no honor in how you're living? No integrity?” I asked, incredulously.

“I have honor. I have integrity. I can't help it if you aren't evolved enough to understand. I don't apologize for that, I don't own that.” she said. “Everyone doesn't get it. That's why I don't go around telling people.”

“I'm not just people, Jane. We've been friends for ten years; you're like a sister to me. Your whole life is a lie. How could you live like this and not tell me?”

“Because I knew you would judge me.”

Thursday, February 3

But How Was YOUR Day?

Well, I just won an online giveaway over at Jana's Thinking Place and got the cutest bag ever courtesy of WalMart Gourmet! So I am giving them back a little link-lovin' as thanks. Maybe someday I will be able to sponsor a giveaway when someone gives me something fabulous to, well, give away. Perhaps that is what I should do with all this stuff I cleaned out of my closet earlier in the year.

So this officially makes today much better than yesterday. Why? You might ask. Well, yesterday was just a strange day. I drove the 30 minutes to get to the university where I am taking a class. One. Class. For which I have to walk up the never ending hill. On my way, I stopped at the corner Walgreens to pick up a couple of things. I had about 15 minutes to spare before I had to be on campus so I thought I could pop in, get what I needed and be out in about 5.

So, I pull into the parking lot and park one space over from this older model car. It isn't exactly this car, but pretty similar.

Not that it matters, but this car wasn't in this good of a shape. So as I get out of my car I notice a pair of gloves lying in the parking lot right next to the car. There is a lady sitting in the driver's seat with the engine running and a little white dog sitting beside her. I pick up the gloves and hold them up to the window, mouthing "are these yours?" and she nods, gesturing to me to open the car door.

When I do. Oh. Emmm. Geeee. I am hit with a wall of what smells to me like cat pee. The entire car smells of it. Reeks to high heaven. Now, I guess it could have been dog pee, but the only animal urine I am familiar with is that of cats, so that is all I have to compare it to. Seriously, I couldn't believe she could sit in that car as bad as it smelled. How could she breathe? So I smile weakly and say "someone will be missing these!" Trying to be chipper. "Oh, thank you, my daughter just ran inside" she responds and starts to say something else. I am about to pass out from the stench of urine, so I toss the gloves on the seat and say "have a nice day!" smile and push the door shut.

So I enter the drug store and immediately start looking around trying to determine which person in the store is the woman's daughter, 'cause that's just how I am. I had a couple suspects in mind but as I walked toward the pharmacy in the back it hit me. Oh, GOD, the smell. I am gonna be dead of the smell. The woman who walked past me had to be the daughter, wrapped up in a coat and hood and looking like the grown up version of Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club, sans intervention by Molly Ringwald. Yep, this woman totally shook her dandruff all over her artwork. And the smell? Lingered in the aisle where she had just been. It reeked. And I had to stand in that aisle to find my headache remedy.

Y'all. How do people do that? Seriously. I do not get it. I thought I would vomit from the stench. I just don't know how you get to the point where you either don't notice or don't care.

Then, to top it off, once I get my item and head to the checkout. The coupon queen is, of course, in front of me. And all her coupons are extremely specific. And she's about 80, and has bought something wrong for almost all of them. 

And the manager is standing there saying "No, ma'am. You got the 10 oz. and this is for the 8 oz. You want me to get the 8 oz. for you? No problem. I will be right back." 

Me, thinking: **what? NO, NO!!!!**

and then "No, ma'am. This is for the white albacore tuna, not the regular tuna? And you got the regular. you want me to go get the white albacore for you? OK, be right back."

Me: **Bloody Hell!!!! Are you kidding me?***

Lady: "Do you have this distilled water? I didn't see any."
Manager: "Oh, yes we do. I will get it for you. It was on the endcap so you probably didn't see it. I'll be right back."
Lady: "I need three of them."

Me, in my head: **AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGHHH!!!!! REALLY?????? you have GOT to be EFFIN' KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Then, the kicker? Once her $87 purchase has been rung up? You guessed it, my pet peeve of all pet peeves. She then pulls out her check book, asks the date, and slowly begins scripting a check to pay for the purchase.

Me, still in my head, amazing self restraint here: **Oh. My. God. I think my head is going to explode. I have been standing here 10 minutes waiting on this woman!**

I pinch the bridge of my nose, as if it might help reduce the exploding head I felt coming on. For the love of Mike, I only have one item here and I have been waiting for 10 minutes while this woman has a personal shopper to assist her. Oh, yes, manager, I will let you check me out over there. How nice of you to ask. And with my debit card and one item I am done before she gets her check written. 

All this led me to contemplate whether it is OK to give one customer bad service in the process of giving someone else exceptional service. Yes, I am a philosopher that way. What do y'all think?

So tomorrow when I have to climb the big ole hill to Cherry Hall, I hope I have an easier time than yesterday. I walked a different route which was one extremely steep hill rather than one moderate steep hill turn right and another moderate steep hill. Seriously? It made a big difference and  I almost passed out before I got to the top. Honestly. I had to stop for a moment, well several moments, because I got dizzy and my legs felt like rubber. When will I ever learn?

Wednesday, February 2


I woke to find this in my inbox today via my daily Writers Almanac email. It made me smile and then laugh so I thought I would share it. 

Inscription for the Ceiling of a Bedroom

Daily dawns another day;
I must up, to make my way.
Though I dress and drink and eat,
Move my fingers and my feet,
Learn a little, here and there,
Weep and laugh and sweat and swear,
Hear a song, or watch a stage,
Leave some words upon a page,
Claim a foe, or hail a friend—
Bed awaits me at the end.

Though I go in pride and strength,
I'll come back to bed at length.
Though I walk in blinded woe,
Back to bed I'm bound to go.
High my heart, or bowed my head,
All my days but lead to bed.
Up, and out, and on; and then
Ever back to bed again,
Summer, Winter, Spring, and Fall—
I'm a fool to rise at all!

"Inscription for the Ceiling of a Bedroom" by Dorothy Parker, from The Poetry & Short Stories of Dorothy Parker.
 © The Modern Library, 1994. Reprinted with permission. 

Yesterday it rained and stormed all day and today as I look out my window there are snowflakes fluttering in the wind. I would like to never leave at all myself. But alas, I must go climb the hill toward my education.