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Thanks for visiting Tinfoil Magnolia, a blog about my life, times, marriage, friendships and all the strange things that happen to me and with me. I hope you find something here that will encourage you, inspire you or at the least entertain you. And if it doesn't today, check back tomorrow because, my life? honestly...

Tuesday, February 15

Heartbreak and Heartmending

Today, I was prompted through FaceBook to read a post by Emily Giffin at one of my favorite sites, Chick Lit is Not Dead. Emily is author to some of the most enjoyable books I have read over the last few years. Her books are a lot of fun and once you pick them up, really get you involved with the characters and stories, and her characters' thoughts, feelings and actions are so right on that I sometimes wonder if she's been following me around or in my email box or something. But, I guess she's probably too busy for that.

Anyway, in this post she lists  5 Do's and a Do Over. You can click the link to go over there and read it in its entirety, but her basics are this.

1.  Invest in a quality camera and capture lots of random moments. 
2.  Live alone at least once. 
3.  Travel somewhere exotic and unexpected. 
4.  Break a heart and have yours broken. 
5.  Cut bait on toxic friendships. 
I find myself wholeheartedly agreeing with this list, especially #2 which I have preached for many, many years. And #5 which I only had to do for the first time pretty recently. However I have to admit, when I hit number 4? My brain came screeching to a halt. 
I fully admit, like most women my age, I have had my heart broken in the past. There have been a lot of little heartbreaks along the way, such as that of an unrequited crush or a breakup with someone I thought I loved. But only 1 time have I experienced what I consider to be full-blown heartbreak. Starting with the real, true, 100% "I love this guy more than myself and I would give up everything and everyone in my world to keep him in my life and have him all to myself forever, " all the way through to the point where he decided we didn't want the same things or he couldn't be there for me or I was just wanting more than he could give or whatever ridiculous excuse it happened to be.  Then, he reached in, pulled out my heart, tossed it around like a ping pong ball for a few months then stomped it into a million tiny pieces, walking away with a sizable piece of it stuck to the sole of his Chuck Taylors.

So, depending on which part of the lengthy denouement you're talking about, I was 21 or 22 when this all happened. Now, at 43(God that 43 looks so ugly when you type it up like that), happily married to a wonderful guy for almost 17 years, I know that this boy was not the one for me. But at the time, let's face it, it was devastating. I had given him everything I had to give and thought he reciprocated. We both had artist temperaments and were really too much alike. As a result, the relationship was equally passionate and ugly. There was no way we could have lasted long at all. But he broke me. He broke my heart, and he broke me.

For a long time I couldn't even think about dating. Or maybe dating was all I thought about. Only not just one guy. I refused to be in any semblance of a relationship. That heartbreak? It took away my innocence, trust and belief in being able to love and have it returned in like fashion. I became cynical, anti-marriage, and was just out for a good time. This went on for years. I drank (a lot), I did drugs (not a lot but some), I went out to clubs, I met guys. Met them, left them. Yes, I was a party girl back then.

Then, after about four years of this lifestyle a strange thing happened. I (quite randomly) reconnected with someone whom  I had known all along. Since we were, like, 12. I was regularly going out with 2 other guys at the time, and the more I saw of this guy the less I wanted to see them. Finally, it was his game to lose. I still didn't want marriage. I still didn't want commitment. But I wanted him. I was falling in love with him. And he loved me.

No matter how many times I tried to push him away he wouldn't let me. No matter how many excuses I came up with for why we shouldn't be together he wouldn't take them. Though he may not have realized it at the time, he lovingly and patiently put me back together. Piece by piece. As much as you ever can, he helped mend the spot where that chunk was still missing. He taught me that there are people in this world who you can trust with your life. People who will always be honest and caring, even if they don't always do it the right way (according to me). Even if they fail sometimes, their heart is in the right place.

So here I sit, almost 18 years later. Confined by love in a marriage I never thought I would have. Hopefully my days of heartbreak are over. Twenty-some years later that boy found me on FaceBook (isn't it great) and we exchanged a few brief messages. He floored me by expressing the thought that we ended on good terms. And made me wonder: Have I ever broken anyone else's heart? If I did, I certainly didn't know about it at the time. Could I have left someone along the way in such a manner as to cause them the pain that I myself had felt? Gosh, I sure hope not.

What about you? Have you ever knowingly or unknowingly broken someone's heart? And does doing what is best for you without thinking of the other person's feelings constitute intentional heartbreak? I wonder.

NOTE:  Lest every think I believe that love is all sunshine and roses, I don't. Read this post as well. It is tough and it is hard work, in my opinion. Lots and lots of hard work.  What I know.

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