It's glorious, isn't it? That brief moment when you first wake up. Still somehow suspended in your dream world, emotionally. Mentally. Not yet aware of everything around you.
All it takes is one stray thought to pierce that bubble. One thought of everything you left behind when you went to sleep last night and it's all over with.
Yesterday someone told me something that was intended to make me feel secure. Funny thing is all it did was worry and upset me the rest of the day. Sometimes ignorance is bliss sometimes, isn't it?
I worried about it all evening until I went to bed teary eyed, a domino chain of potential problems stretched out before me. This thing, this fact, brought up old feelings. Old issues, things I had forgotten. This thing made me feel overwhelmed with everything in my life. Completely out of control. It caused me to worry about future events and, worse, it made me feel alone.
This morning I was lying in bed, still half in my dream world. Whether my dreams were good or bad I don't remember. It doesn't matter. One thing is always consistent in my dreams. There is no backstory. There is no history. It's like I step into whatever scenario with no baggage. No memories, no attachments.
When I woke up there was just me in my bed. I was peaceful and happy. I wasn't thinking about anything, really. Until that one stray thought charged through my brain. And I began fretting on it all over again.
***Blogger's note: This post is not about my marriage. It is not about the "thing" I was told. It is about anxiety, and the randomness of it.***
1000 days
5 weeks ago
