In Which I Admit to NOT Being a Real Girl

I am not really a girlie-girl. I fully admit that. I did all of that in elementary school, even junior high. I held big sleepovers and birthday parties, and I was invited to them. I was a girl scout, a baton twirler, and wore my hair long and in curls. But by the time I was in high school I got along better with the boys than I did with girls. I was never invited to any girlie sleepovers. I had friends good friends who were girls, don't get me wrong. I just wasn't into the group events of squealing, gossiping, hair do-ing, nail-painting or any of that other stuff.

As an adult I have accepted certain girlie tendencies into my life. I like a good haircut, mani/pedi? Yes, please! But there is one girlie activity I have never been able to understand. The bath. I am not a bath person. At all. I just don't get it. I love to read, watch tv, listen to music, shop, paint, I just can't see sitting in a tub full of tepid water for hours on end and finding it to be enjoyable.

Now, let me say that until I was about 12, we lived in a house that had no shower.  It was an old farmhouse and there was only a bathtub. I had to bathe and wash my waist-length hair in the tub, my mother pouring pitcher after pitcher of water over my hair to rinse out the shampoo. I hated it. Once we moved into a home in KY with a shower, I rarely took baths again.

A few weeks ago, I had to do a detox bath as part of my diet regimen. Epsom salt and baking soda. It's supposed to release all the toxins from your body. The bad part of it? 20 minutes minimum, 40 recommended. Ugh. Kill me now. So I put it off as long as I possibly could. Finally, I had to do it. I had a plan to help my enjoy it, make the time go more quickly. I would light some candles and turn the light off. Bring in my mp3 player and listen to some good tunes including, but not limited to, Social Distortion, Rev. Horton Heat, Billie Holiday and the Black Eyed Peas. (yea, I'm eclectic in my musical taste)

But this was not to be as my batteries were dead and for once there were no AAA's to be found in the house. I found myself looking at the prospect of 40 minutes in solitary with nothing but my thoughts to get me through. Okay, I think, I can do this. I need some time to think about my long neglected novel. Do some plot development and work out some new characters. I climb into the hot water and lie there.

My time in the tub, went something like this:

"OK. I can do this. I can. 40 minutes. That isn't that long. I am not going to go crazy sitting still with absolutely nothing to do for 40 minutes. I will be fine. I'll think about my novel. Work out some plot issues. Maybe try to come UP with a plot, even, that'd be nice. Yes. OK.


Man! This is so boring. Why couldn't I have found batteries??! Ok, forget that. Focus on the novel. 


How long has it been since I have written anything on that anyway? I tell people I am working on a novel, but it has been months since I've added one word to it. Can I count that? 


OK, the novel, the novel, the novel. Focus, Marsha. Thinking about the novel. Who can she meet next? 


Those writers I met at the SoKY book fest were really super nice. I can't wait to read one of Ad's books. I need to get out and buy one. I am so glad I got that book from Molly Harper, she has a great style. So easy to read. 


Who knew there'd ever be a werewolf book that I like. Hmmmm. Maybe I should add a werewolf girl to my novel. NO! No! Don't be ridiculous.


My blog is so neglected. I really really need to get back to a regular schedule with that. Maybe even just 2 or 3 times per week. I know I can come up with something that often. I hate that I have let it go. 


Stupid, stupid class, why did I ever take that grammar class. I'm hungry. I am starving to death. I can't wait until I am done with this 6 weeks. I am just going to be done. I don't care what the number is, I will worry about it later. 


Okay! It has to be at least 15 or 20 minutes. Looking at timer.....WHAAAT!??? I have been in here FOUR MINUTES. Ooooooohhhhhhh. HOLY HELL!!!! I am going to die in this bathtub. Just die of boredom. How the HELL do people do this? What is enjoyable about it? AAARRRRRRGH!!!! This. is. torture!!!!!!! 


Okay, okay, I need to focus. Maybe if  I move my legs up here...every time I sit in the bathtub I think about how people in the movies get their toe stuck in the faucet. Or maybe it was just that episode of Emergency back in the 70's. How embarrassing would that be. 


How would you ever even call for help if that happened?  Who takes their phone to the bathroom? Not me. Do people do that? Maybe I should have done that. I'd sure be less bored right now. Who would I talk to for 40 minutes? Other than my mom which would totally stress me out. 


WOW. Now I really want to stick my toe in the faucet. I didn't even consider it but now that I think of it, that opening seems plenty big. I don't think my toe could get stuck. NO!!!! Do NOT even think of it. 


How embarrassing would it be to have the paramedic come get you wet, naked, and wrinkled from the bathtub. Hmmmm. Well, if he looked like Johnny Gage from Emergency it might not be THAT bad. NO, no, no!!! Do NOT stick your toe in there. Think of something else. Right now.


Why is that song in my head? What is that song? I don't even know who sang it. Some 80's metal band that I didn't even listen to. Where have I even heard that song recently? 


RAAAAH! It has to be almost 40 minutes, yet the timer says 9. OH GOD. I am not going to make it. So. Bored. 


Hey!! that's cool!!! When I wiggle my feet like that it makes waves all the way around the edges. Neat! Wonder what happens if I move my legs up and down....oops. Yeah, won't do that again. Heh....Need to remember to clean up that water when I get out.... 


Gosh, I need to do a blog post.  I have got to start making time for my writing and stop letting other things distract me. Speaking of which I wonder if people thought my 100 Words post this week was from the novel or autobiographical. 


Oh, well, no matter...I need to get back into 100 Words every week. I have really been slacking on that. She's doing that Artist's Way think, I am already behind on that and it's only the first week. Okay, 10 minutes down.

Geez, (pushing on my stomach) how many layers of fat are over my hipbones? *Tap, tap, smoosh* I remember when it was concave, when I was first married and in my 20's. *drumming on stomach, splashing water everywhere*  


Maybe I should scooch down until my legs are sticking up out of the water and my shoulders are submerged...Oops. Won't do that again. Oh, well, had to clean up water anyway.....NINE MORE MINUTES!!???? AAAAAGGGHHHH I AM not going to make it!


Well, you get the picture. I don't like taking baths, I don't get it. Obviously I did live through it, lasting 22 minutes. But it will be years before I take another bath. Honestly...