What Not to Wear: Summertime Vol. 1

OK people. Y'all know I am not one to make general proclamations. I am not one to judge people by their looks. I am not one......awwww screw it. There is something I want to get straight right now while it is fresh on my mind. Stop wearing muscle shirts.

We went out to dinner tonight and during the course of our evening, from beginning at the restaurant to the end at the ice cream place, I saw no less than 5 men wearing these abominable excuses for acceptable clothing. The muscle shirt. Sleeveless t-shirt. The first was a man in his 60's who was actually wearing a button-down, oxford cloth shirt, sans sleeves neatly tucked into his belted Tommy Hilfiger khaki's. Honestly. I don't get it.

The second was a man in his 50's at the ice cream place who was wearing shorts and a white sleeveless t-shirt. And the kids who were with him? In their pajamas. At 7pm. Third and fourth offenders were two little boys, also wearing muscle shirts. That's child abuse, ya'll, they can't dress themselves. The fifth? Was a woman. Still not OK. Worse, actually.

No man. NO man. NO MAN in the WORLD, DO YOU HEAR ME? There is not a man alive who NEEDS to wear those hideous t-shirts with the arms cut out. Or made without arms. Or whatever. There's just no call for it. I see it everywhere and guess what? It's not fashionable, it's not attractive, and I don't care if Paul, Sr. wears them and he's on TV and all, it's just NOT acceptable.

I mean seriously?
You want to look like this doofus?

If you are a grown man? I don't care if you are mowing the yard, or digging a hole or working out at the gym. Whether you are playing baseball, getting ice cream, or just walking around the block. Even in the fires of hell almighty it isn't so hot that you can not stand that extra 3 or 4 inches of material in shirt sleeves.

And if it's a fashion thing? I am sorry. I am sorry for you. I am sorry for your wife, your kids, and your parents to ever have to be seen with you looking like that. And speaking of kids? This goes for them too. Do not put your little boys in something that a 1970's porn star would even think twice before wearing.

or this doofus?
really? you want your kids inspired
by the likes of this guy?

Now I do want to specify that I am talking about muscle shirts. A t-shirt made without sleeves or with the sleeves cut out. Like this.







or this.

OK, well this guy is super cute, but still?
The shirt makes him look doofusey.

King Doofus of Meathead!

or heaven forbid, this.













I am not talking necessarily about an undershirt, tank top, or "A shirt" like this.

Mmmmmmm. Nice!

All of which are acceptable IF you have the arms to show it off. And even then there are really truly few occasions that truly warrant pulling out the "wife beater". And that's an entire other blog, by the way. Oh, and speaking of tank tops? String tank tops, well, just read this hilarious post which echos my feelings on that. They make me want to gouge my eyes out, too, dude.

I am sure this will offend some of you, but it's more than me just expressing my opinion. This is meant as a public service announcement.  There's no excuse. Stop it. Honestly...