What am I thinking?

I'm trying something new this week. I dunno I just woke up. Saw Jana's post and I've wanted to try SOC Sunday for a while but I never had the courage. Five minutes of stream-of-consciousness writing? Brain-dump? Like I usually reserve for my journal, certainly not what I put up on my blog. But here it is.


My moment in time is now.

This morning I woke up thinking about work. It seems every morning lately I wake up thinking about work. I've had things put on me that I've had neither the experience nor the training to be ready for, and it makes me angry. Angry. Angry.

I'm doing it. I'm finishing the paper every week. I'm play-acting editor. Because I have to, not because I think I'm remotely qualified. I won't win any awards, I won't get any recognition but it is getting done.

This is hard for a perfectionist person like me. I don't like doing things, especially public things, until I'm confident in what I know. Doing this week after week is making me angry. Angry. Angry. It's making me tense. It's making me boring. It's making me ... well, a bitch. To put it mildly.

No one. No one. Gets it. Not really. Their days can go on as normal, basically. They can miss the person and be outraged that he was fired. I'm stuck with his work and with being angry with him.