If you can't say something nice, at least make it funny!

Thanks for visiting Tinfoil Magnolia, a blog about my life, times, marriage, friendships and all the strange things that happen to me and with me. I hope you find something here that will encourage you, inspire you or at the least entertain you. And if it doesn't today, check back tomorrow because, my life? honestly...

Thursday, December 8

The First Installment

Well, today is the first installment in a new feature here at Tinfoil Magnolia called "What to do? Wednesday". It's an advice column because I am just so full of good advice I am bursting at the seams. It is not, as my husband pointed out, advice on how to spend your Wednesday afternoon. And it is being posted on Thursday morning this week.

I spent the entire day Wednesday trying to get caught up on some design projects that I'm behind on. Seems like when I think something will take an hour it takes five so what do I know, right? I have solicited questions and actually had two unwitting victims. Anyway, let us move forward to the first installment of....
What to Do?
Dear Ms. Marsha,

My husband has retired and makes fun of me because I have to get up and go to work everyday. How do I subtly tell him to stop this behavior before I have to kill him? Also, how do I get lipstick out of a silk blouse? Thanks in advance for your advice.

Don't-wanna-be-a-killer Kaye
Murfreesboro, TN

Dear Kaye, 

First of all thank you for submitting your problem to What to Do? Wednesday! You are my first letter. This is an interesting problem and one which I've actually been hearing from a lot of women lately.

My first thought is that perhaps your husband is jealous that you are still working.I mean you leave the house every day to be a working, productive member of society. Working people today are sick to death of supporting those who don't work! Most especially those so-called "retired" people. I mean really, they think they can spend, what, 30 or 40 years working and then just lay around all the time living off the government? Seriously. It has to be embarrassing for him.

I say first line of defense is to point out how lazy he is, I mean there are "retired" people all over the country working the slowest checkout lines known to man at Wal-Mart. Make sure he knows that you feel him to be inferior for taking advantage of the working man. If that doesn't work, suggest he start a business. I know he's a psychiatrist or something like that right? Have him start seeing patients in your home. With any luck, maybe one of them will do your job for you!

As far as the lipstick in the silk blouse, try sticking a piece of scotch tape over it, rubbing it down and then pull off as much of the lipstick as possible. If it is a washable silk, then spot clean with a bar soap and was as directed. If it is dry clean only then I can't help you there. Go to the dry cleaners nearest you and bring the lipstick with you so they are aware of what is in it.

Which brings up an interesting question. Is this your silk blouse or his? Because if it's his, as Seinfeld says, laundry may not be your biggest problem!

Ms. Marsha

Dear Ms. Marsha, 

Our son has broken his retainers TWICE! What should we do after the beatings?

Ever ready Eddie
Brentwood, TN

First of all I know you and I know you like to joke. I am sure you're kidding about the beatings. Although one never knows about those Southern conservatives....hmmmmm..... Just kidding, Ed.

I don't have kids so giving advice to parents is a bit tougher for me but I tell you what I think about this situation. This kid should be more responsible! Next time he breaks it make him pay for the new one if it takes him until he's 21. I am sure he can get out and hustle to mow lawns next summer.

Failing that, really the best punishment is just to not replace it again. I mean, he's the one who is going to have to flirt with girls with those crooked teeth, not you! What do you care, you've handled your responsibility as a parent by just giving him the braces and trying to make him less offensive to the female species. Now it's up to him. 

Kisses to your beautiful wife! 
Ms. Marsha

Well, that's all we have on this edition but please, write in. Let me know. You can link to my email under about me, catch me on Twitter or on Facebook. Send in questions! I want to do this every week and really? Doesn't everyone need my advice!?

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