If you can't say something nice, at least make it funny!

Thanks for visiting Tinfoil Magnolia, a blog about my life, times, marriage, friendships and all the strange things that happen to me and with me. I hope you find something here that will encourage you, inspire you or at the least entertain you. And if it doesn't today, check back tomorrow because, my life? honestly...

Sunday, August 1

My List of Grievances

OK, I am going to get some complaining out of the way today and start my no-complaints project fresh on Monday.

#1 I can not stand clueless people.
I hate when they walk into a grocery store or Wal-Mart and then just STOP right inside the door as if the shock of being somewhere that big has rendered them motionless. Get your CRAP together people!!! Make a list at home, work out a floor plan, see where you are going, or at the least, please just push your cart on into the store, past the greeter and stand by the greeting cards as you take in all of the awesome glory that is Wal-Mart.

While I am on this subject. Really? You have to walk in the MIDDLE of the aisles in the parking lot, side by side with you husband and all your kids, thus taking up all the space available for cars to, I dunno, park? or something? I know cars should "watch out for pedestrians" but you have to watch out to. Couldya just walk to the side, single file and kinda, ya'know, pick up the pace a bit??? Just sayin'.

#2 When People Drive Aimlessly Across the Parking Lot
OK, this one just really gets me. How hard is it,  really, to drive in the aisles and follow the arrows??? It is actually a system DESIGNED to make things simple for the [simpleminded] general public. Now I will admit that sometimes I cross a row of empty spots to get to the next aisle of parking, but I am talking people who. to get from one end of the parking lot to the other, just drive aimlessly across every aisle and all the empty parking spots rather than drive through the pedestrian area. This is not only annoying, but also dangerous. So I feel justified. Really? It will take you an extra...minute? maybe?...to drive where you are supposed to drive. And it really doesn't make you look any smarter when you can't follow road signs.

#3 People who Judge
I almost don't know what to write on this one. It is so widespread and encompasses a lot. So let me just say that, on a personal level, I am tired of being made to listen to other people's religiosity, political opinions, and social attitudes when: a) they are not willing or even remotely interested in listening to mine b) they believe in order for one of us to be right, the other must be wrong and c) they want to hate on anyone who disagrees with them, or make them feel inferior. Falling to the lowest common denominator by name calling and using stereotypes does not do anyone any good. We are all humans in this life and there are a million ways to live it. Live within the law and basically, everything else about the how and why should just be inconsequential to us. But I am a hippie that way. Love your neighbor and all.

#4 Women in Ill Fitting or Inappropriate Bathing Suits
This is fresh on my mind as we spent the day at the water park last week. My god. What is wrong with you people??? I wore something more revealing than I normally would have because my skirted suit has become too large with my recent weight loss and I only had 1 suit in my current size in the house. But it was still a 1 piece. Seriously, ladies, you've got to have some rock solid abs to pull off a 2 piece after 40, much less in your 50's and 60's. But if your stomach? Hangs down over your bikini bottoms? Yeah, you shouldn't be wearing it. If your back fat? Looks like cleavage between your shoulderblades? Ya need a bigger top. If your tramp stamp tattoo is sagging down to your butt crack? Yeah, ya' need a one piece. And, this isn't really offensive, but WHO buys a bathing suit in navy and hunter green tartan plaid? Really are you such a die hard preppy??? I burned up looking at it, the colors and plaid style made me think of a wool kilt. Seriously, it is summer, lighten up a bit.

#5 People Who Smoke When They Have or Have Had Cancer
I don't have anything mean to say here. I mean, really? Who wants to attack a cancer victim anyway. It is a horrible disease which has taken many of my family members way too early. But when you are diagnosed with cancer? Seriously? Stop! Is it easy? No. Will it prevent more cancer? Maybe maybe not. But do NOT criticize what I eat and drink and tell me how healthy you eat now that you had cancer, then let me see you light up. 'Cause I will GO off on your superior, judgy, food criticizing ass.

#6 Who Writes Checks Anymore?
Can I just tell you that I haven't written a check out somewhere like a restaurant, grocery store, or department store in probably 12 years. Until....I moved back home. Everyone here writes checks for everything, it just freaks me out. Literally, I think my husband and I collectively wrote maybe a dozen each year, and that was usually to friends or something like that. We use debit cards, credit cards, and online bill pay. But here, everyone uses checks and I have had to start carrying a checkbook again because I never carry cash, and some places don't take credit cards.

#7 When You Write a Check In Line
When you do write a check? At the grocery? Instead of standing there until the cashier has totalled it up and is waiting for your payment, and you act all surprised like you didn't know that was coming, and you ONLY THEN pull out your check book and ask the date, and slowly write it out in your best hand writing, taking care to rip it out ever so slowly so as not to leave a ragged corner before handing it to the cashier? When you do that instead of writing it out while your groceries are being rung up and just filling in the total at the end? YOU ARE HOLDING UP EVERYONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE BEHIND YOU ARE GROWING OLD. AND THEIR HEADS ARE THREATENING TO EXPLODE!!!!!!!!Yeah, just sayin'.

#8 Whistlers
Don't whistle. Seriously. Not ever. Unless you are completely alone in the middle of a cornfield or on a riverbank somewhere. Do. Not. Do. It. No one needs your feeble attempt at entertainment. Least of all in line at the bank, at the grocery store, in the office where people are trying to work, in a hospital, or at the dentist office. Stop it. Right now.

#9 People Who Use the Phrase "At the end of the day..."
Honestly, I am not sure what gets me about this. It never used to bother me when I first started hearing it more and more. I watched that real estate show whose name escapes me (hubby and I call it the Richard and Ginger show) and Richard said it all the time. But somehow it grew to Godzilla proportions and now everyone says it. Ad nauseum. I think it bothers me because it is a bit nonsensical and really unnecessary. It is like nails on the chalkboard to me, right up there with whistling.

#10 Memory Loss
Seriously, every day I waste countless amounts of time looking for things that I should know where they are. Thinking of names or places or a particular word I know but can't think of. I can't think of the 10th thing to go on this list, which in and of itself qualifies memory loss for the final aggravating thing on my list.

Happy August Everyone! I am going complaint free tomorrow and I encourage everyone to join me, just for a week. Let me know how it is going!

1 comment:

  1. I have one!!

    People who sit out in an open office, use the speaker phone for a phone call when it's only them on the call, then have to lean over in order to hear what the other person is saying.