If you can't say something nice, at least make it funny!

Thanks for visiting Tinfoil Magnolia, a blog about my life, times, marriage, friendships and all the strange things that happen to me and with me. I hope you find something here that will encourage you, inspire you or at the least entertain you. And if it doesn't today, check back tomorrow because, my life? honestly...

Monday, August 23

Water Fight!

Well the Cool Whip Queens were back in my water exercise class today for a reunion tour of the pool. Click here for a refresher if you don't remember who they are Well, I shouldn't so much call it a "tour" since they didn't move from the spots they were standing in, but you know what I mean. I sort of forgot how annoying they were. I've had a break the past couple of weeks, either one or the other has been there but not both. I actually was starting to believe that I had exaggerated in my storytelling and now I was remembering them larger than life. But no. They are not exaggerated. At all.

The class today was jam-packed full, probably double the normal amount of people. Our regular kick ass instructor was out and the instructor who was filling in? Well she is the regular instructor for the class right after ours. Yeah. Senior H2O. Yep that's right. So we got about 1/2 of the white hairs from her 9:30 class dumped in on top of our already full class, and ya'll? They. don't. move. At all. None of them. So when we had to run laps around the pool? We had to try not to hit them. Because they were just standing. Where ever they might be, middle of the pool, edge of the pool, didn't matter.

One of the reasons I love my Mon., Wed. mornings is that the instructor is tough, like a drill Sargent. And her music? Kicks serious ass. Beastie Boys, Black Eyed Peas, Beyonce, and Michael Jackson (the other MJ) should I go on? Today's music selection? Classics like "Who Let the Dogs Out?" and the Macarena. Seriously? You can't MAKE a new mix tape from something beyond the 90's?

So, I was already irritated with the music, and the instructor who was about as graceful as....hmmm... Mary Katherine Gallagher? Yeah, that's about right. She just looked goofy, gangly and, not that there's anything wrong with that, it just added to my ever growing aggravation. Then we started doing a bunch of moves where you had to go forward and back, forward and back, then turn to the left. Go forward and back, forward and back. Well, depending on which way I turned, the CW Queens were ALWAYS IN MY WAY. And talking. Non stop.

#1"Wehuuuul, I teeeal yuuuou whauuut. If ah am nawt out of the house before mah huuuusband gets home? I might as wehul forget about even goin'. He'll staht askin' me about dinnah, or can I peel him a tomatah. And I nevah get out in time." #2 "Wehuuul, I tell yoooou. I figure if he wants a tomatah baaaad enuff, he can figure it out on his own, don't yoooou?" And on and on about such earth shattering issues as tomato peeling, husbands and again church. And everyone in church. And where they shop. Y'know. Earth shattering stuff.

OK, so meanwhile, they are in my way. But that isn't the half of it. To my left, at the end of the pool, there are about 5 people other than the Queens who just aren't ... right. Ya'll I don't know how else to put it. They are going winky-wonky!!! When she says face left, they still face the front. When she says go left to right they are going front to back and running all over myself and the two girls behind me. They are standing with backs to the side of the pool and basically moving any which way. So this is all going on. There is a contingent on either end which isn't moving at all, another contingent which is moving, but directly in opposition to the directions, the CW Queens blabbering on without taking a breath, horrible, awful, stereotypical music and right in the middle of it all? Well, there's me. Exchanging aggravated "what the heck is up with this?!" glances with the sweet lady who was beside me, another regular. Thank goodness. It isn't just me! It was crazy-whack in there today.

Ya'll Ms. Marsha had all she could stand. I was kicking people, trying to avoid other people, trying to stay in place so I didn't bump anyone who didn't have the sense to move when everyone else moved. But this. This was the last straw. In the midst of all this chaos? Comes a woman. Just floating around on her floaty-weight thingies. She stops right behind me and leans on the rope. And just floats there. Right between me and the woman next to me who are crowded in because of the non moving contingent to our left. So we move up to adjust and then? She aimlessly floats up in between us, like there's no one there, and over to the other side of the pool, stops there and floats a while. Seriously? Helen Keller?! There are OTHER PEOPLE IN HERE!!!

That was when I lost it.  I got OUT of the water and left. Yep, left right in the middle of class. I just could. not. take it. Too much nonsense. So thanks to the Senior instructor who brought all her seniors to the class to do what ever the heck they want to in the water. Ya'll I am not an age-ist (or whatever). I don't dislike old people, really I don't. But if you can't follow simple instructions? You need to be somewhere other than in the water. Like a senior facility. They are getting in the way of my fabulously toned body. Here's hoping my regular instructor is back on Wednesday. My life, honestly...


  1. Sorry, but I am ROTFL!! I was just telling someone about the CW queens today and how you judged their age by their necks!!

  2. LOL! I suppose, as Mary Kay ladies will tell you, I should have said "throats" as ladies do not have necks.