If you can't say something nice, at least make it funny!

Thanks for visiting Tinfoil Magnolia, a blog about my life, times, marriage, friendships and all the strange things that happen to me and with me. I hope you find something here that will encourage you, inspire you or at the least entertain you. And if it doesn't today, check back tomorrow because, my life? honestly...

Monday, October 4

A Glimpse of My Future

I spent the day Friday with my mom doing our usual Friday thing. She has been suffering from allergies and a head cold so instead of taking the hot rod Dodge we drove my SUV. By the time we finished up our weekly yard sale day the car was packed to the rafters, it was 2pm, I had missed 2 events that I was supposed to be back in town for, and I was literally worn out to the point of being grouchy and incoherent. I felt like a 3 year old needing a nap. Good times.

Mom and I had a conversation about how much we both like purchasing "pre-owned" merchandise at yard sales. This week my best bargain was finding a Wacom tablet, still in the box for $10. Manuals, software and everything, find them new for $50-100. Not a bad deal. Both of us have discovered that sometimes we talk about needing something for the house or whatever and lo and behold, we find it that week. My most recent instance was talking about a book my doctor recommended that I don't have and didn't want to pay $10 to obtain. Three weeks later, there it is for .25 at a sale. Kinda spooky. Anyway, I know it isn't for everyone but in this economy, I find it to be a terrific help to budgeting and a great form of recycling.

So the parental units went out of town this weekend. Something they used to do a lot, but not as much anymore. My dad's business keeps him ridiculously busy at age 82 and he rarely takes a weekend off. My mom grew up in Breckenridge County, KY and attended a one-room school house there, along with all her siblings. She didn't finish high school, or even junior high (for reasons I won't get into) but every year the folks who attended that school have a reunion and a dinner and revisit old times. She tells me that the crowds are dwindling down to just a few brave souls who are still around. Normally some of my aunts and uncles go with her, but this year she was the only representative of her family to attend. So they left out early Saturday and drove up for her reunion.

Coincidentally, my dad's high school reunion was Saturday night. He grew up in Wayne City, IL and always looks forward to going back to catch up with his friends and family. So after they spent the afternoon at mom's school they once again hit the road and headed up to Southern IL for his reunion. Mom reported that they had a great time and dad won a door prize, a $25 WalMart gift card. The drive up was torturous for her because the state route up there was filled with yard sales and they couldn't stop at even one. Finally, they checked into their hotel after several hours of driving with only 20 minutes to shower, change, and drive the 8 miles to where the dinner was being held. At 5:30. Yes, did I mention this was his 65th reunion? Or something like that. The theme was apparently "Early Bird Special, In Bed by 9". But I digress.

Needless to say they were exhausted by the time they got back to their room, they had been running all day. Sunday afternoon my phone rings and I receive the following report from the mom: They were about an hour away from being home when they realized that they left my dad's "book" (what he keeps ALL of his business contacts and phone numbers in, his bible, his life), some of his medical papers with instructions for the procedure he's having Wednesday, and a couple of other things on the table at the hotel.

So, me being a normal person, I would have called the hotel and made arrangements for them to mail the stuff back to me. But my parents? They turned around and headed the car back to Southern IL. It was around 1pm when I talked to mom and she told me that they had lounged around that morning, eating breakfast and relaxing in the room, or they would have left earlier, discovered their mistake earlier, and been home earlier. I suggested that when they get there, they arrange for a room and stay another night so they didn't have to drive another 4 hours home all in the same day. She said they were "thinking" about it and that my brother told them the same thing.

Then she said "Oh, but let me tell you about our 'senility moment' that we had last night."
Me: **sigh** bracing myself "Oh? Why? What happened?"
So she told me the story above about their drive, and all the details of her reunion, and how they made it to dad's reunion just in the nick of time. They had a great time and visited with everyone and it was "late" when they got back to the hotel room. I am paraphrasing all this part to spare you all the details which, believe me, I did receive during that 45 minute phone call.
"Well, your dad and I were so tired after all that. It was a long day."
Me: "Uh-huh"
Mom: "So we got back up to the room and our room key didn't work."
Me: wondering how this qualifies as their problem, it happens to me all the time "Oh, really?"
Mom: "Your father stood there trying it again and again. He flipped it over, he tried one end, then the other one. I even tried it once or twice and it wouldn't work!"
Me: still underwhelmed and loading the dishwasher "Well, did you go to the front desk?"
Mom: "Well, your dad had to go ALL the way back down to the lobby, and I stood there holding our bags and coats and everything, looking like a fool standing in the hallway!"
Me: "oh, no." thinking really, this is it?
Mom: "So finally your dad comes back up and says 'My. gosh. I was trying to open the door with that D@#% WalMart gift card! '"
Me: hooting with laughter "OH MY GOSH THAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER!!!!!!!!"

You have to know my dad to truly appreciate this story. He is a total jokester and pulls pranks/picks on people all the time. But he HATES being the butt of any joke. Period. Much less something like this. He is a terrible sport. She said they laughed about it later, but that he was not happy at the time.

So I wonder if this is but a glimpse into old age for the girl who forgets what she's saying mid-sentence and puts things "away" then can't remember where or looks for my sunglassses for 2 hours only to find that they are on my head. Next stop, the loony bin. So last night around 8pm the phone rings and they, of course, drove home. 600-some odd miles in one day. Kinda scary for two people who just tried to open the hotel room door with a WalMart gift card, don't you think? Honestly...


  1. My bank debit card this week was used to try to open my hotel room in Houston and buzz myself into the gate of our neighborhood. I refer to my three kids as what's her name, the older one, the younger one, the blonde one, the other blonde one, the curly haired one, that one, the other one, the loud one, the other loud one, the other other loud one. My wife has three nicknames and I still sometimes say, what's her face.

    Wait, am I posting on the New York Jets game forum?

  2. I love that story! (Well, all of the stories in this post, actually.) I do all those things you do AND look for my purse when it's on my shoulder. I am afraid that I already am my future self. ;-)

  3. LOL, Lance! You are so funny. Welcome to your 40's dear. I don't have the name thing yet but my mom does it all the time. But literally, the other day I was in the middle of giving a presentation and some kind of alarm went off, like a beep, beep, not really a big deal. But I couldn't for the life of me remember what I was talking about before. It wiped my mind totally clean.

    J-Yes, the purse on shoulder I have done that too. Laughing at "already my future self". Me too, probably.

  4. I loved when I was searching for my keys - even went into the house through a window - only to realize they were on top of my car!