Decisions

Today's post is my entry into this week's 100 Word Challenge, hosted by Velvet Verbosity. The 100 Word Challenge is an exercise in which we write exactly 100 words in response to the weekly prompt word. Click the link to read the other entries–good stuff over there! 

This week's prompt was "harmless". 

She had spent the afternoon with Lucas at a coffee shop near Henry's school. Realizing she was late, she asked Lucas to come with her. She knew it was childish but she didn't want Lucas to leave just yet. The three of them walked together on the sun dappled sidewalks, laughing at grade school jokes and kicking the fall leaves aside. Henry begged them to stop at the park, and it seemed harmless when she agreed. 

Now she questioned herself for making that decision, the one that took Henry away forever. Had she said yes for him or for Lucas?


**This is a new passage written this week for my current work-in-progress, still untitled.**

How NOT to do NanoWrimo

Yep. I am a NanoWrimo winner. It's official I just uploaded and verified my 52,500 word manuscript. I am a winner, but so is everyone who wrote 50K this month. I have to say, when I think of it like that, and I am tired, and I wrote more words today than the I did the past two weeks, it seems a bit anti-climactic.

No cash prizes, not even a t-shirt. I finished Nano and all I got was this stupid blog badge.

But at the same time, while this victory means basically nothing to anyone who doesn't know about Nano, it is a huge thing with a lot of people in the writing community and it is a huge, big deal to me personally. I set a goal and followed through with it which is a good habit and one I am trying to keep. I almost gave up, and said well 25K (which is where I was on Friday) is more than I had before, I am just going to quit and not worry about it. But I kept pushing.

As it turned out, I woke up today and wrote approximately 15,000 words. That's a lot to write in one day. If you ever do Nano, don't do that.

This is not the way to do nanowrimo. See all the blue lines the same height? Days I didn't write at all-bad idea. Because today I had 15000 words to catch up in 36 hours.

You've Got a Friend

Well, here we are on the 18th of November. I have posted a grand total of 4 entries to my blog this month. I am woefully behind on my NaNoWriMo project, at a smattering of 12,000 and some odd words when I should be around 28,000. There are already people planning celebratory events for NaNo being over, and I feel like I have only just gotten started. I have design work that is hanging out there, Thanksgiving is next week, my house is an utter wreck and the list of business phone calls I need to make grows longer by the day. This month is one of those times when I feel like an utter failure. I feel like I can't catch up. I feel like George Jetson. Where's my Jane to stop this crazy thing???

Two weeks ago, Amybestfriendsince8thgrade was going about her life as normal. A week ago today her husband underwent surgery to remove an aneurysm at the base of his skull. Once again I am reminded of how fragile and unpredictable life can be. Not that I should need a reminder, after what I went through with hubs in 2000. Read about it here if you like. I know all too well how she felt being in that hospital waiting room. Surrounded by family, but utterly alone without the person you love most in the world. It is a horrible feeling, a totally hopeless feeling. Although his entire family was there during the surgery, I showed up just so she would have someone there for "her". Someone whose primary concern was with her and for her.

Isn't that what friends are supposed to do? I have always had issues with the friend thing. I would never, ever expect anything from a friend that I wouldn't do for them. I told Amy that I would be there for her in any way I possibly could, and I meant it. I have walked her dogs, done her banking, cleaned out her refrigerator, eaten her delicious potato soup (It was just gonna spoil, ya'll, don't judge) and picked up any and every errand I could to help her during this time. I love her like she is my own blood.

But the thing is? I have been there. When hubby had his accident, I was so independent that I couldn't, physically couldn't, ask anyone to do anything for me. It just wasn't in me. Thank goodness my friends had the wherewithal to just say "we're cutting your grass for you and no you're not paying us", "give me your spare key, we're going to make sure your cats are cared for and fed" or "just leave, just get out of this hospital for an hour and come to lunch. You need a break."

Sometimes we all just need to be given something without having to ask. Sometimes we don't know what it is that we need. Sometimes we need our friends to do our thinking for us. And sometimes it just feels good to claim something; to say "I got your back, girlfriend" and do what needs to be done. Because you know what? Friends are so very precious. Whether they have been friends for a lifetime or no time at all. Our friends deserve our very best, and are willing to give it back to us. They know us better than anyone, sometimes even our spouses.

Even though friendships have an ebb and flow, and there may be times when you feel a bit disconnected, just remember that your friends have got your back when the chips are down. Remember that you have theirs, too. And there may be nothing at all in it for you, except for that friendship and love. What do y'all think? How does the relationship work with your friends, and how do you work to repair it when it isn't working?

Friends are the family we get to choose for ourselves. I love the family I have chosen!

Perspective

My NaNo Writing Spot

This month I am working on a novel. No, I don't have a publisher, agent, or any clue yet what the H-E-doublehockeysticks I am doing. I am just writing. And trying to finish. Later I will worry about rewriting, editing, paring down, plot lines, continuity, and the like. I don't KNOW how to be a writer. I don't have the first clue. I just sit and write what I dream up in my head. I don't have outlines, I don't have structure, like I said I don't know what I am doing. Just recording the thoughts that come into my head.

All my life, at least since I can remember, I have wanted to write books. I took the practical route in college and rather than getting the English degree that I had always wanted I studied business instead. Which provided well for me during the first 20 years of my career, but I never knew a day of work that was pleasurable. I loved people that I worked with but never enjoyed going to work much.  Only in my late 30's when I indulged my passion for the arts, returning to school to study graphic design, did I begin to recognize what truly being happy, fulfilled and passionate about your profession could be like. I had a design job and I actually looked forward to going to work every day for the first time in my life. I loved what I was doing. Only a year later would I allow myself to say "I am a graphic designer" because I felt like an impostor. 

This year I have realized something about myself. I am a writer. I have always been a writer, and I always will be a writer. Whether I ever have anything published, whether my novel someday becomes a best seller or languishes in the $3.99 bin at Big Lots, at heart I am a writer and I always have been. I don't need classes or a degree to make me that. All my life, I have written. From elementary school stories about pigs and a rooster who are BFF's to a horrendous 8th grade story about a blonde girl, a candy apple red camaro and a lifeguard that my teacher embarrassed the heck out of me with by reading aloud in front of the class. From bad teen angst poetry to lyrical research papers on photographers, designers, and pieces of art.

I remember in high school we had an English class one year in which we had to write an original short story every week. I always knew exactly what to write every single week. My best friend was always freaking out and saying she had no idea what to write about and I would help her brainstorm. Later in our lives, imagine my surprise when she became a photojournalist, and eventually received her own weekly column in our hometown's paper in which she had to come up with something to write every week. See, when I was younger, I wanted to have a weekly column in the paper. Like Dave Barry. A column where I could write about life, co-workers, my thoughts and whatnot with introspection and humor and a common touch to which people would relate. I wanted to be Dave Barry. A nationally syndicated writer with a weekly humor page.

And this, my friends, is the irony of the internet. Here I sit today, having just been struck by the lightning bolt of realization that this blog? Is. My. Column. This is the chance I give myself, and that is why I have been doing this all these months. In the world that is now ours I, and millions like me, don't have to wait for someone to notice, don't have to beg for editor approval, don't have to sit around and wish for creative outlet. This is my weekly column. (Of course I also don't get paid, but...)

I do have the desire to learn more, how to be skilled in the fine art of story crafting, dialogue and exposition. I will soon take classes to help me fine tune my writing, and I do still dream of being published some day. But I just want to mention here that back in May I posted a that I had made a list of things to accomplish this year, and last week one of them came true. I wrote a freelance piece that was published in the local paper and I have another to write this week. Do NOT discount the power of writing down your goals. Even when they seem to be out of reach. They are out there, for the taking.

Where Does My November Go? NaNoWriMo

This spring I went through a little bit of a jump start, creativity wise. I got energized, excited about writing and actually committing to writing, not just talking about it like I have done for the last so many years. Starting this blog was one of the commitments I made to provide myself with a creative outlet. I committed to spend a minimum of 2 hours each day writing. I began a novel. It now sits, printed, over 80,000 words yet still unfinished, in the corner of my office.

Over the summer, a lot of my attention has been diverted to other things. Diet and exercise, starting a new business, securing freelance design work, and working on a lot of not-for-pay jobs. I have spent time doing things that needed to be done, thinking about things and how to do them and yet not getting them done, or just doing things I enjoy simply to enjoy them and forgetting about everything else. In May, during a particularly ambitious burst, I signed up to participate in National Novel Writing Month, affectionately known as NaNoWriMo or just NaNo, which is held annually in November. I was giddy.

And now it's November. In two days. I have had trouble being stressed and mentally I am just not at my best, or at least not the best I have been this year. Personally it has been both a wonderful and rewarding year and also an incredibly stressful one, for many different reasons. I am having trouble focusing my energy and getting a grip on all the things I have to get done in a day. As I tend to do when I am overwhelmed, I end up spending hours every day drifting aimlessly, hovering on the Internet, participating in Tweet Chats and many other pointless activities that, truthfully, should be at the bottom of my list. (or not on the list at all)

Because of this lack of focus, an enormous to-do list, and hours that I owe to my new business now that it is finally getting a good start, I had made a decision not to do NaNo after all. No one else knew of my commitment. I could quit and who would know anyway? Who would even care? I could write a novel at any time, couldn't I? And besides, I couldn't imagine for the life of me what I would write about. I didn't want to rehash what I already started, and continuing on that seemed like a cheat. I was barren of ideas. The harder I tried to think of something the worse it got.


Enter: some of my online writing buddies over at the 100 Word Challenge. Velvet Verbosity posted about her intention to participate this year (with the most serendipitous timing) right after I posted a comment about committing and then not wanting to do it. I had several comments and messages telling me that, yes, I needed to go on and do it. Yes, I can do it. And yes, I should do it. People (you know who you are) cajoled, encouraged, guilted, and otherwise assured me that the sky wouldn't fall if I didn't complete my 50,000 words by November 30.

So, I am doing NaNo. My writer friends (real and virtual) will realize the commitment required. My non-writer friends should just trust me and be willing to encourage me if at all possible.  Once I committed mentally (and via Twitter) the basic line of my story came flying into my head within a day or so. Which only goes to show the power of thought and putting your desires out into the universe. This is kind of a big deal. It is a huge commitment of time and energy and I don't take it lightly. All I have to do to "win" is finish the 50,000 words. But the joy of reaching that goal will be all the reward I need.