If you can't say something nice, at least make it funny!

Thanks for visiting Tinfoil Magnolia, a blog about my life, times, marriage, friendships and all the strange things that happen to me and with me. I hope you find something here that will encourage you, inspire you or at the least entertain you. And if it doesn't today, check back tomorrow because, my life? honestly...

Thursday, November 18

You've Got a Friend

Well, here we are on the 18th of November. I have posted a grand total of 4 entries to my blog this month. I am woefully behind on my NaNoWriMo project, at a smattering of 12,000 and some odd words when I should be around 28,000. There are already people planning celebratory events for NaNo being over, and I feel like I have only just gotten started. I have design work that is hanging out there, Thanksgiving is next week, my house is an utter wreck and the list of business phone calls I need to make grows longer by the day. This month is one of those times when I feel like an utter failure. I feel like I can't catch up. I feel like George Jetson. Where's my Jane to stop this crazy thing???

Two weeks ago, Amybestfriendsince8thgrade was going about her life as normal. A week ago today her husband underwent surgery to remove an aneurysm at the base of his skull. Once again I am reminded of how fragile and unpredictable life can be. Not that I should need a reminder, after what I went through with hubs in 2000. Read about it here if you like. I know all too well how she felt being in that hospital waiting room. Surrounded by family, but utterly alone without the person you love most in the world. It is a horrible feeling, a totally hopeless feeling. Although his entire family was there during the surgery, I showed up just so she would have someone there for "her". Someone whose primary concern was with her and for her.

Isn't that what friends are supposed to do? I have always had issues with the friend thing. I would never, ever expect anything from a friend that I wouldn't do for them. I told Amy that I would be there for her in any way I possibly could, and I meant it. I have walked her dogs, done her banking, cleaned out her refrigerator, eaten her delicious potato soup (It was just gonna spoil, ya'll, don't judge) and picked up any and every errand I could to help her during this time. I love her like she is my own blood.

But the thing is? I have been there. When hubby had his accident, I was so independent that I couldn't, physically couldn't, ask anyone to do anything for me. It just wasn't in me. Thank goodness my friends had the wherewithal to just say "we're cutting your grass for you and no you're not paying us", "give me your spare key, we're going to make sure your cats are cared for and fed" or "just leave, just get out of this hospital for an hour and come to lunch. You need a break."

Sometimes we all just need to be given something without having to ask. Sometimes we don't know what it is that we need. Sometimes we need our friends to do our thinking for us. And sometimes it just feels good to claim something; to say "I got your back, girlfriend" and do what needs to be done. Because you know what? Friends are so very precious. Whether they have been friends for a lifetime or no time at all. Our friends deserve our very best, and are willing to give it back to us. They know us better than anyone, sometimes even our spouses.

Even though friendships have an ebb and flow, and there may be times when you feel a bit disconnected, just remember that your friends have got your back when the chips are down. Remember that you have theirs, too. And there may be nothing at all in it for you, except for that friendship and love. What do y'all think? How does the relationship work with your friends, and how do you work to repair it when it isn't working?

Friends are the family we get to choose for ourselves. I love the family I have chosen!


  1. Wrong person to ask about this right now. I just ended a friendship with someone after five years and I should have done it two years ago. I think friendship is like marriage. Few people do it well. You are lucky if you have one or two over a lifetime that work. I remember in high school I had agroup of 8 guys I hung out with and just assumed we'd be best friends forever. I talk to two of them every 6 months or so but we are aquaintences at best.

    When it isn't working you communicate as brutally honest as possible. But if the other person isn't being honest that can work against you.

    I think you maintain the golden rule as much as possible. If someone isn;t applying the same rule to you, you keep your distance.

    My wife is my best friend. She's proven that. So I work on that relationship, hard. we communicate a lot.

    this is another unfunny, boring comment by me...i'll do better, don't defriend me..lol

  2. oh and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ool28EXGiAU is what I associate with you....just the chorus

  3. oh, believe me. It has to be a two way street with me and if a friend is not reciprocating the basics, then I don't usually "defriend" I usually just put them at "acquaintance" status and move on, but stay friendly.

    Two years ago I ended a long-term friendship with someone when it was revealed, through a tragic series of events, that she had been lying to and abusing everyone in her life, most of all herself. She refused to acknowlege her self-destructive behavior, or take responsibility for hurting everyone in her life. So I walked away from her. I can't handle people lying to me. When I did she wrote a letter to me saying all these hurtful things to me. I am still very uncertain of whether I expect too much from people or don't give enough, I just do what I do, I guess.

    I want to blog about that friendship break up, I actually wrote a short essay about it that I would love to see published somewhere, but who knows. It was a crazy situation. Boring-est reply comment ever, virtual love to ya!

  4. Dude! That song? Is all kinds of awesome!!! I didn't know it, but I like it. Totally not what I was expecting.